So, in a moment, I found everything that I had ever dreamed of.  It was right there in front of me.  Alive!  I felt joy.  I felt fear.  I felt almost every possible crazy emotion that you can feel when you are presented with the very thing that you have always wanted.  The joy that it actually existed.  The fear that I would lose it.  Some things, however, are shown to you in a glimpse and then you are told that you’re not ready, or the thing isn’t ready.  In essence, the timing is just miserably wrong.

How do you get through that?  How do you plead to the Universe that you are ready and that you will cherish it with a fervor that this beautiful thing deserves?  How do you accept that the Universe knows more than you and can determine these things?  Can the Universe be wrong?  Perhaps, you were wrong in your belief that what you had found was your true desire.  I’m not sure.  That is the path I am on right now.  I am reeling with so much confusion and a profound sadness laced with desperation.  I have found a few quotes that have helped me through this time. Words like: “The secret to happiness is letting everything be the way it is, instead of the way you think it should be.” or “Always believe that something amazing is about to happen.”  I tell myself they help. Really though, I have no clue what I am doing.

I would like to think that I have a way with words, but in this circumstance my words have failed me. That starts me to feeling inadequate and pitiful.  I don’t like feeling that way.  I don’t enjoy thinking that I am “less than”.   I despise the struggle that I am experiencing so quickly after believing that I was finally arriving somewhere.  So, this is me, again. Putting these things out there.  I began this blog as a therapy for myself.  The therapy continues.  Until next time, enjoy the error of your ways.

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